I’ve struggled with how to continue this blog. Writing for the first time and trying to capture all of our struggles has brought up so many unexpected emotions. I wasn’t prepared for the tidal wave of grief and exhaustion it would bring. Whew. It’s been a doozy.
In addition, we continue to trudge uphill, holding our breath each day, waiting for the next shoe to drop (there have been many). We have had so many struggles the past two years that my heart skips a beat just thinking of the next phone call.
In our world, every day is a challenge – whether it be something as simple as eating breakfast or joining the family at an activity. An overnight field trip that is just too much for our son. One more Sunday trying youth group with yet another disappointing result. The setbacks snowball into an avalanche of frustration and sadness and sometimes it’s hard to dig yourself out.
It is so much and yet we steel ourselves up for another day because that is all we know.
As a parent, it is my job to carry the burden and shoulder the load. But when I see my little buddy strengthen his own resolve every morning just to walk out the door with a deep sigh, ever hopeful, ever ready, whew, it tugs on the heart.
But though this is our world today, we are not without hope! In fact, through these trials, our hope is so much greater and our faith deeper than I could have ever imagined.
His ways are so much higher than our ways.
When you are on your knees, there is only one way to look, and that is to the King, the One who created each beautiful mind perfectly in His own image. He is working, even though He is sometimes silent. He is the God of redemption and He brings new mercies every morning.
Sometimes I just have to stop thinking of my own struggles long enough to look up and see the gifts.
I am tremendously blessed with phone calls from friends who seem to know exactly what to say at exactly the right time.
I am humbled and grateful for the lengths our school is taking to make sure my son is healthy.
I am humbled by the heartfelt prayers of incredible friends. They have tearfully picked me up and given me the courage to try again.
It seems our entire extended family is rallying to support and re-think just what it means to include him in their lives. It is truly a gift.
I am grateful for the three friends (three!!) who called just tonight to say they had been praying for me.
My courage tank has been refueled.
And you. Thank you for reading. I hope you are encouraged to face your day with courage and resolve and hope. You are not alone.
Tomorrow is a new day.